I agree with the authors that the norm of reciprocity means “offering a communicative response that matches a partner’s previous communication.” Especially when we’re disclosing information that is highly personal or alternatively, that affects our sense of self, we expect the other party to reciprocate. For instance, if I tell my friend about a difficult time in my past, I would want them to feel comfortable enough with me to divulge information that is comparably intimate. When this doesn’t happen is the problem. When I’ve made a decision to take the relationship to a deeper level by disclosing sensitive information and it’s not reciprocated, I will either back off from the relationship or terminate it. A lot of it has to do with my feelings being hurt that the other person didn’t “trust me” enough, or simply the sense that we don’t agree on the status and future of the relationship. I also believe that there has to be a mutual understanding (implicit or explicit) on the level of reciprocity for a relationship to succeed long-term. With little or no reciprocity, I get tired of doing the work to maintain the relationship when obviously the other person doesn’t consider it a priority enough to expend the effort. In this case, the relationship fizzles out pretty quickly. I'm sure a lot of people have had similar experiences when a budding relationship comes to an end because it's not a "two-way road."
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Norm of Reciprocity
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2 comments:
I really liked your post on the norm of reciprocity. You had a really good point about when we disclose really personal information we usually like that to be reciprocated by the other party disclosing something as well. It forms a certain bond and makes you feel like you're closer to them. I think that women usually do this better than men. Maybe because we want to say something, and once we know something very personal about the other party we feel more comfortable sharing it. And we do, because it feels good to be able to share personal things with someone. I also liked your point about putting in all the effort and getting nothing back. It very stressful when you feel like you're the only person trying and I agree with you, that if the other person isn't trying then the best thing to do is to leave the relationship.
A lot of what you wrote is applicable to the movie Sex in the City, which is the reason why it appeals so many, many women. I have to go see it myself.
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