Patronizing Speech

I found the section on patronizing speech interesting. Though I'm nowhere near being an old person, I could somehow relate to the examples in this section. I could imagine being old and listening to what people said, but also how they said it, and how it would affect how I felt about myself. I would want to be treated with respect, as the book said, rather than being ordered around (overly directive message) or being coddled (overly nurturing message). When you're not treated with dignity, it affects how you feel about yourself and i can see why lots of seniors get geriatric depression, mentioned towards the end of the chapter. Considering how limited some seniors must feel (because their bodies and minds are not as powerful), it would be very upsetting if people used patronizing speech on a regular basis.

Bartholomew Model

I found this model to be very interesting. I know a lot of people who fit into these models of attachment fairly accurately. In particular, there is a friend who is the fearful avoidant type. She avoids true intimacy because she’s always afraid of rejection. With friends, she always feels like she has to be the image of the perfect friend, mom and wife. For example, she always cleaned her place before I came over because she was afraid that my image of her would be tarnished. She is my husband’s best friend’s wife and even though I always considered us close, I found out later that she wasn’t being completely upfront with me and I think it’s because she was afraid of rejection. To this day she puts on a front to compensate for her low self-esteem and high attachment anxiety. She is overly dependent on her husband to make her feel better, but also because she’s afraid he will leave her. We rarely see each other now because we live very far apart, but now that I know the true her, I feel sorry for her while simultaneously feeling upset that she was deceptive all this time. Having a relationship with someone who is the fearful avoidant type is hard.

Urgency Hypothesis

Urgency hypothesis makes complete sense to me. Most people try to be polite and socially appropriate, but when there is a lack of time, they often resort to more direct means. For example, I was standing in line waiting to buy some food at Costco’s food court when this woman cut in front of the line. Apparently she was late for a birthday party and she needed the pizzas right away. I assume she is normally not so rude, but being late for the party made her goal of getting the pizzas right away more urgent, so she had to be as effective as possible. She was lucky that no one complained or made a big deal out of it, but sometimes I think what’s done in the name of efficiency can backfire. For example, there could have been a big guy who argued with her for ten minutes, which would have undermined her intent to be effective.